Camridge-Washington Crisis Group


Christopher Lee

12th February 2013

US Sends Congratulations To North Korea For Its Third Nuclear Test


Great news from North Korea: they have successfully carried out a third nuclear test. 


It may not be enough for a full-fledged nuclear warhead, but they are getting there.  With this news, the North Koreans should be congratulated by all freedom loving governments. 


Those governments – Israel, the US, the UK, France, Russia, India, Pakistan and of course loving neighbor China – have great experience in this area and fully appreciate the determination and political courage it takes to get this far.


The North Koreans must be further congratulated on two major points:


Firstly they have coincided their rocket testing with the progress on nuclear development.


This shows the well thought through planning that the then Soviet Union started in 1957 and the second stage nuclear weapon development that even the United States struggled to achieve from 1968 onwards. 


So we know that both Russia and America will surely be sending Well Done flowers to Kim Il Un.  So too we imagine will the United Kingdom (sic) leader David Cameron who knows only too well the difficulty of reaching co-ordination stage in his own efforts to replace the UK Trident missile and Vanguard nuclear weapon-carrying submarines.   


It is hoped that progress in this area will continue apace until they get to the second congratulatory point:


What really gets the well-done applause from brother nuclear weapons states (see above) is that North Korea a small, starving, basket-case country has proved it can scare a whole chunk of the sophisticated world led by the United States.  Better still, that powerful group of nations can do absolutely nothing about it. 


The world message is easy in the extreme: if North Korea is determined to be a nuclear weapons power with long range delivery systems, then that’s what they should be allowed to be. 


In Washington, self-determination is celebrated as democracy. Washington does and admires others who do the same – with the US approving the democratic model of course.  Yes, Washington does democracy. 


For examples, if the US wants to invade Afghanistan or Iraq or if a guy wants to buy a semi-automatic firearm and kill half a classroom knowing that the gun buying laws are not going to change any time soon, then that’s self-determination and democracy. 


So far school gunmen have killed more than the North Korean program but of course not as many as the US nuclear weapons program (Japan will supply the exact figure for anyone really interested in accuracy).


So the big question is what’s next? For starters, everyone is looking to China.  At first sight, the folk over at Beijing truly have a problem. With North Korea going ahead with its N-Bomb program, China is now surrounded by nuclear weapon states – India, Pakistan, Russia and North Korea.


But the other way of looking at it is this: the US model of living with the bomb was known as MAD, Mutually Assured Destruction. The translation: you nuke me, I’ll nuke you. So, no winners and last man counting has no one to tell what he thinks anyway.


The new deal is a no-brainer.  Everyone who wants a nuclear warhead and the means to deliver it should be encouraged to get one. For example, if Iran gets a warhead, the Iran will get respect although maybe it will be literally short lived as Israel bombs it. 


But then Saudi Arabia will want its own bomb.  But of course, it won’t have to bother.  The US, full of democracy loving brotherhood for the princes of democratic principles running Saudi Arabia will offer to base a whole bunch of nuclear warheads just outside King Khaled Airport. Job done. Nuclear weapon balance sorted.


Of course, that’s the easy way when the brotherhood in North Korea show they’ve gone all the way with their nuclear program.  The US, generous as ever, will offer to put their nuclear warheads in downtown Seoul Special City and over on Honshu.  Thus the nuclear ring is complete.


Meanwhile, the so easily embarrassed Kim Il Un must hide his blushes and simply accept the congratulations of the existing nuclear weapons powers so that he can tell his loving and beloved people that empty bellies are worth having if it means that the presidents and prime ministers of the Major Magic Mushroom Cloud league of nations are at last showing the respect that the People’s Democratic Republic of Korea deserve.

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